The Worst Phrase for Dating Profiles: Why 'Serious Relationship' Sabotages Success and a Better Approach

This episode of Psych Hacks, hosted by Dr. Orion Taraban, advises women using dating apps to avoid stating "looking for a serious relationship" in their profiles. While acknowledging the desire to find a committed partner and avoid wasting time, the host argues that this phrase creates several counterproductive impressions. It immediately signals a lack of fun and an expectation of arduous emotional labor, making dating sound like an "unpaid job with lousy benefits" rather than a playful and warm experience.

The core problem, according to Dr. Taraban, is that this upfront declaration tends to attract men with limited dating options, increasing the likelihood of being lied to by individuals who might agree to the premise without genuine intent. Men with good "optionality"—those attractive to many women—are unlikely to forgo their choices for someone they've never met who demands a wife-and-kids commitment from the outset. This approach, therefore, inadvertently filters for less desirable partners.

Drawing parallels to professional advancement, the podcast explains that a "serious relationship" or marriage is a significant, long-term commitment earned over time, much like becoming a tenured professor or a partner in a law firm. These positions are not granted upon initial application but are achieved through years of demonstrated value, effort, and shared experience. Therefore, leading with a demand for seriousness is akin to wanting to "skip straight to partner and professor," which is unrealistic and poor advertising for a relationship.

Instead, the episode advocates for a counter-intuitive strategy: approaching dating casually, focusing on relaxation, fun, and simply enjoying each other's company. This low-pressure environment allows individuals to let their guard down, fostering genuine emotional connection and intimacy. It is within this relaxed context, where shared values and mutual enjoyment naturally develop, that a casual arrangement has the best chance of organically evolving into a long-term, serious relationship. The host concludes by calling this approach a "Trojan horse for getting into a relationship."

"The phrase that I want you to consider removing from your dating profile is that you're looking for a serious relationship."

"The serious relationship part that's particularly problematic."

"A serious relationship does not sound fun. It sounds well serious and it makes me think that I'm signing up for a second unpaid job with lousy benefits."

"Dating is supposed to be fun and love is supposed to be playful and warm."

"It also only tends to attract the men with no real options."

"Ladies, you're just asking to be lied to."

"You can't really expect this type of relationship from the outset."

"Saying you want a serious relationship on your initial application sounds like you want to skip straight to partner and professor. It doesn't work like that."

"It's counter-intuitive but the best way to get into a long-term relationship especially as a woman is no different from the best way to date casually."

"Not looking for a relationship is a trojan horse for getting into a relationship."