Men Do the Right Things with the Wrong Women: The Importance of a System in Dating and Attraction

This episode of Psychacks, hosted by Dr. Orion Terban, delves into the paradoxical dating behavior of men, specifically how they often employ effective attraction strategies with women they are less interested in ("sixes") but abandon these very strategies when encountering women they genuinely desire ("nines"). The core argument posits that men are frequently intimidated by highly attractive women, leading them to incorrectly perceive less attractive women as "safer" options. This misperception causes men to apply different behavioral patterns, ultimately hindering their success with their preferred partners.

Dr. Terban explains that men tend to titrate their standards, while women's standards for dating and mating remain relatively consistent regardless of their perceived attractiveness. This leads to the counterintuitive insight that a "six" might be less "safe" to approach than a "nine" due to the potential for greater ego bruising upon rejection. With "sixes," men exhibit confident indifference, take bigger risks, are more sexually aggressive (but not overly so), and don't over-invest emotionally, behaviors that are paradoxically highly attractive to women.

Conversely, when men encounter a "nine," they often discard these effective behaviors. They quickly disclose attraction, hesitate sexually, over-plan, text excessively, and engage in overt pursuit, which the host argues is universally ineffective. This shift in behavior is attributed to attraction "f***ing with perception," causing men to believe "nines" are fundamentally different from "sixes," when in reality, "woman is woman." The episode emphasizes that women, likened to "prey animals," possess an instinct to flee when pursued, making non-pursuit a critical component of successful attraction.

The practical recommendation is for men to maintain a consistent "system" of confident indifference and emotional control, treating "nines" with the same strategic detachment they would apply to "sixes." Using a poker analogy, Dr. Terban advises against "jumping up and down" when dealt a good hand (meeting a "nine"), instead advocating for sticking to one's established, effective behaviors. The broader implication is that understanding and managing one's own emotional responses and perceptions are paramount in navigating the complexities of attraction and forming desired relationships.

"Most men are intimidated by attractive women they think that women also use the metric that men apply to them which is a failure of intersex understanding."

"While men tend to titrate their standards to kind of match the attractiveness of the particular woman they're dealing with women kind of don't."

"That confident indifference is like crack to women they'll swear up and down that they hate it when men behave that way but I guarantee that they're not going home with the empathic nice guy at the end of the night."

"If you perceive her to be a six there might not be much else besides the sexual opportunity to justify your continued investment of time energy and attention."

"Why is it always the ones that I'm not interested in who always seem to want a relationship with me the answer is simple my dudes you did the right things with the wrong woman."

"I guarantee that all of the things that you did to pull the six are just as effective in pulling the nine why because these two don't belong to different species they are the same animal they are woman and if it works on one it will work on the other."

"When you invest any given woman with more interest and emotion than she invests in you then you make her the adored that turns you into the adorer the pursuer and this is a problem because women are kind of like prey animals."

"As a man it is essential that you keep a tight rain on your emotions."

"What do you do when you get pocket aces in poker the same [ __ ] thing you do on any other hand you get dealt in poker you need to stick to your system and keep control of your emotions."