Deconstructing the 'If He Wanted To, He Would' Meme: Evolutionary Psychology of Female Courtship Displays

This episode of Psych Hacks analyzes the popular 'If he wanted to, he would' meme, which depicts men performing extravagant acts of devotion for women. Dr. Taban acknowledges a partial truth: men do exert significant effort for women they are highly attracted to, especially if they lack 'game.' However, he immediately introduces nuance, stating that a lack of such extravagant effort doesn't necessarily signify disinterest, as a man might simply be 'playing his cards right.' He also provocatively suggests that the level of effort a woman receives is often correlated with her physical attractiveness, urging women to objectively assess their own appeal rather than solely blaming men's lack of interest.

The analysis then delves deeper, arguing that these social media posts are not merely innocent 'girl talk' but rather subtle 'intraexual jabs' or 'not so humble brags.' The women posting these videos are implicitly showcasing their own superior attractiveness, implying that they are desirable enough to inspire such devotion, unlike the 'average woman.' This behavior is framed as a form of indirect self-aggrandizement, designed to elevate the poster's status within the female social hierarchy while ostensibly advising others not to 'settle for less.'

A key, counterintuitive insight is presented: the women posting these videos are often not genuinely attracted to the men featured. Dr. Taban draws a parallel to evolutionary psychology, comparing this public display to female primate vocalizations during copulation. This behavior, he explains, serves as a strategy to attract a potentially 'bigger, stronger, healthier male' or to confirm the quality of the current partner. Similarly, the social media posts are designed to get other, more attractive men to take notice, operating on a risk-reward profile where the potential gain of attracting a higher-value mate outweighs the risk of losing the current one.

Finally, the episode posits that many of these posts function as 'jealousy traps,' specifically aimed at making a past, more attractive man jealous enough to re-engage. The core principle articulated is that 'contentment is quiet; discontentment is loud,' suggesting that excessive boasting often masks underlying dissatisfaction. Dr. Taban concludes by drawing a crass but illustrative male equivalent, highlighting a societal double standard where women's public displays of access to male resources are more socially acceptable than men's open boasting about access to female sexuality.

"If he wanted to, he would."

"It's absolutely true that men will jump through their butts when they are extremely attracted to a woman, especially if they don't have any discipline or game."

"Just because a man is not jumping through his butt doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested. He may just be playing his cards, right?"

"lack of effort could stem from the fact that men are not that interested in her, which in turn could be due to the fact that she's not very attractive. Just saying the quiet part loud to keep everyone honest."

"If he wanted to, memes are essentially not so humble brags that the women in question are sufficiently attractive to inspire this type of behavior in men."

"I'd bet real money that the men who are showering them with gifts and attention are not the men those women wish were starring in those reels."

"A woman who publicly posts about a man's courtship efforts with gushing approval is kind of the social media equivalent of screaming loudly during sex."

"The potential risk that some other woman will steal away her good-loving man is less than the potential reward that a more attractive man will steal her away from him."

"Remember, contentment is quiet. Discontentment is loud."

"The more a woman carries on about her good fortune, the less likely she has anything to boast about."