How to Show Your Partner Respect: The Surprising Wisdom of ESPN for Communicating Admiration

This episode of 'psychacks' by Dr. Orion Taraban delves into the nuanced concept of respect within romantic relationships, specifically focusing on 'earned respect' – that which signifies esteem or admiration for a partner's effort, skill, or ability, rather than basic human dignity. The core premise is that communicating this specific type of respect acts as a powerful positive reinforcer, increasing the likelihood that a partner will continue to manifest desirable, 'respectable' behaviors, thereby benefiting the relationship as a whole.

The podcast introduces a unique and highly illustrative analogy to explain how to effectively convey this earned respect: observing ESPN's sports commentary. Dr. Taraban highlights the etymology of 'respect' as 're-spect,' meaning 'to look at again,' and points out how ESPN perfectly embodies this by replaying significant plays repeatedly from various angles, in slow motion, and with detailed analysis. This meticulous re-examination is contrasted with generic, unspecific praise, emphasizing that true admiration requires a deeper, more analytical approach.

The practical insight derived from this analogy is straightforward yet profound: individuals should emulate ESPN commentators in their relationships. This means moving beyond simple affirmations like 'nice' or 'good job' and instead making 'very specific and accurate observations' about a partner's 'excellence' or 'demonstrated competence.' The example provided illustrates how to break down a complex action into its constituent parts, highlighting the skill, precision, and effort involved, much like a sports analyst dissects an athletic feat.

Ultimately, this method of articulating respect is presented as intensely rewarding for the recipient, fostering a profound sense of validation and appreciation. The broader implications extend beyond individual relationships, underscoring the psychological power of specific, detailed positive reinforcement and the critical role of active, discerning observation in nurturing and strengthening interpersonal bonds. It suggests that genuine admiration is not merely an internal feeling but a meticulously articulated and consistently affirmed communication strategy.

respect is a tricky word because we can use it to signify several different concepts

i'm not talking about respect in the form of basic human dignity for others like we should respect all people i'm talking about respect in the form of esteem or admiration as in we respect certain people for their effort skill or ability i'm talking about earned respect today

respect is typically a reinforcer so communicating respect to your partner increases the likelihood that they will manifest that respectable behavior in the future

to understand how to show your partner respect you need to watch espn has respect down pat

respect literally means to look at again and again and again and again

they show the same play again and again and again and again from different angles in slow motion from above from below in reverse they can't get enough of it

they don't just say nice or that was good job the whole time they're making very specific and accurate observations about what they're looking at moment by moment

you make specific and accurate observations about your partner's excellence again and again

this communicates admiration and esteem for demonstrated competence and it's experienced by most people as intensely rewarding