How to Resist Premature Emotional Attachment in Dating: The Due Diligence Period

The podcast "psychacks" by Dr. Orion Taban advocates for men to resist premature emotional attachment in new relationships, specifically for the first six months. This period is termed the "diligence dating period," analogous to a buyer's due diligence before a significant purchase like a business or house. The core argument is that early emotional investment, before proper vetting, leads to significant suffering and compromises the relationship's potential.

Dr. Taban explains that the six-month timeframe is crucial because it typically takes this long to reach the "crisis of disillusionment," where the initial fantasy of a person is shattered by their reality. Investing emotionally before this point is likened to gambling without knowing the rules. The speaker outlines two primary dangers: first, suffering immensely if one invests in a woman of poor moral character, forcing a painful choice between one's head and heart; second, placing oneself in the "adorer role," which is generally unattractive to women and robs them of the emotional experience they seek, as it forces them to "look down" on their partner.

To actively resist this premature investment, several practical strategies are recommended. Men should guard their thoughts, avoiding mental obsession or fantasizing about a woman when she's not present, and instead redirecting attention to work, friends, fitness, or immediate surroundings. Limiting constant communication, especially daily texting in the early weeks, is vital to prevent accelerating emotional intimacy and to avoid slipping into the woman's frame by letting her dictate the interaction cadence. Furthermore, inappropriate disclosure of deep secrets, past traumas, or future wishes should be avoided until a foundational level of trust, comparable to trusting someone with one's bank account information, has been established.

The broader implication is that emotional restraint and discernment are not toxic but rather essential emotional survival strategies. By taking the time to ensure a woman is "safe and trustworthy and competent and loyal" before fully investing one's heart, men can prevent significant pain and foster healthier, more sustainable relationships. The podcast emphasizes that while emotional investment is eventually desirable, its timing is critical, and rushing it is a "stupid" decision that sets one up for a fall, making recovery from potential heartbreak far more difficult than recovering from financial loss.

"there is a time for a man to be emotionally invested in a relationship ship and there is a time for a man not to be emotionally invested in a relationship and what is that time at least the first six months of a relationship"

"many difficult and problematic situations could be avoided entirely if men could learn to exercise a little restraint in this department"

"men should consider the first six months minimum to be the diligence dating period"

"it typically takes at least that long to reach the crisis of disillusionment in which the projected fantasy to which you have been attracted is Shattered by the reality of who the other person actually is"

"resisting this investment is an emotional survival strategy"

"if you decide to emotionally invest in a woman before it is warranted you will place yourself in the adorer role"

"you can't want someone into wanting you more so just cool your jets"

"dealing with women is a lot like playing poker"

"if you spend more and more time with the mental construct of a woman in the privacy of your own Consciousness you are basically training yourself to fall in love with the idea of who she is"

"constant communication dramatically accelerates the emotional intimacy process"

"if you're not yet ready to trust this person with your bank account information then you're not get ready for this level of vulnerability"

"until you trust someone with your money, don't trust them with your heart"

"you damn well better be sure that that woman is safe and trustworthy and competent and loyal before you do so"