Toxic Positivity: The Reality of Suppressing Emotions and Fostering Emotional Wholeness

This podcast episode, hosted by psychiatrist Dr. Tracey Marks, delves into the detrimental effects of toxic positivity and offers strategies for fostering genuine emotional health. Prompted by a viewer's question, Dr. Marks defines toxic positivity as the rejection or dismissal of negative emotions, replacing them with false reassurances and an excessive focus on the good, thereby failing to acknowledge true feelings. She explains how this mindset can manifest internally, leading individuals to avoid uncomfortable feelings, feel guilty about anger, and suppress real emotions, which can paradoxically result in anxiety or depression. Externally, toxic positivity damages relationships by invalidating others' experiences and making those in need of support feel worse about themselves. Dr. Marks distinguishes between suppression and repression, two psychological defense mechanisms. Suppression involves intentionally blocking unwanted thoughts, a technique once used in "thought stopping" therapy but now largely disfavored due to its counterproductive nature—trying not to think about something often makes one think about it more. Repression, in contrast, is the unconscious blocking of unacceptable thoughts, where the individual is unaware of the blocked desire or idea. This distinction highlights the conscious effort involved in toxic positivity versus the unconscious nature of deeper psychological blocks. To counteract the tendency towards excessive positivity, Dr. Marks proposes two main approaches. The first focuses on self-compassion and acceptance, emphasizing that stress and pain are inherent parts of the human experience. A key technique introduced is Affective Labeling, which involves simply naming the emotion being experienced. Research suggests this practice makes emotions feel more real and less threatening, allowing for acceptance. Following this, individuals should give themselves permission to be in that emotional state, eventually shifting towards resilience—adapting to adversity without pretending to enjoy it, and recognizing that negative and positive emotions can coexist. The second approach centers on showing empathy and validation towards others. Instead of offering platitudes like "Look on the bright side," Dr. Marks advises allowing others to express their true feelings, showing genuine interest, asking questions, and offering help. Phrases like "I'm sorry you're going through this" or "I wish I knew what to say" are recommended as they validate the person's experience without dismissing their feelings. The episode concludes by stressing that the goal is not to "fix" others or force them to adopt a positive outlook, but rather to meet them where they are emotionally, offering a supportive presence until they are ready to seek change themselves.

An emotionally healthy state is one in which you can experience and express a full range of emotions from happy to sad, to mad, to fearful.

We can define toxic positivity as rejecting or dismissing negative emotions and replacing them with false reassurances.

Believing that you're not allowed to think negatively can make you suppress emotions that are real, causing those emotions to show themselves in other ways like becoming anxious or depressed.

It turns out that the act of not trying to think about something makes you think about it even more.

Suppression is intentionally blocking unwanted thoughts. Repression is where you unconsciously block unacceptable thoughts as a coping mechanism.

Stress and pain are part of the human experience and we must come to terms with this.

Research shows that attaching a label or a name to how you feel makes it feel more real and lessens the threat of the emotion.

Resilience is adapting to your circumstance in the face of adversity. So you persevere, despite the adversity.

You can be angry that you didn't get a promotion while you still enjoy your job.

I wish I knew what to say'. That tells the person that you're not trying to give the perfect response. You're just there to listen.